Author: Neil Burns
Created 17th November 2002
LUPIN III is owned and copyrighted by Monkey Punch. This is a what-if AU story where Lupin has finally had
enough of Fujiko betraying him.
Arsene Lupin III and Fujiko Mine were in Lupin’s apartment clinking glasses of Dom Perignone champagne. The
celebration was for the successful theft of tens of millions of dollars from the new casino in town. It had been
several months in the making with each of the four-member gang going undercover: Lupin a dealer, Daisuke Jigen,
the ex-Mafia hitman, one of the pit bosses, the samurai Goemon Ishikawa a baggage carrier and Fujiko Mine one
of the bunny-clad waitresses. The heist was smooth sailing and the quartet went to a hidden dive in town to
celebrate. Jigen and Goemon were asleep leaving Lupin and Fujiko alone.
“Another masterstroke, Lupin,” the female thief purred while a foot stroked Lupin’s thigh. “Such genius makes me
“Of course,” Lupin smiled modestly. “That’s why you love me.”
“I have always loved you. We make a wonderful team.”
“And I love you.” OK. I should be getting it right about now.
“However,” Fujiko smiled broadly as she put some lipstick on, “I feel that things need to change a little. You
Before Lupin could reply, Fujiko leaned over, giving the thief an eyeful of her ample cleavage and locked her lips
onto his, holding him gently in her hands. Suddenly, Lupin began to feel drowsy and his eyes began closing as
Fujiko let go.
“I’m sorry, Lupin.” A pitying chuckle. “But Denise and I made a deal while we held her. We’ll send you a postcard
“Fu–,” Lupin did not finish as he blacked out.
Fujiko smiled as she kissed Lupin’s cheek. Poor fool. A 35-year-old child who was so trusting and forgiving. It was
almost too easy to manipulate him. The door opened and Denise stood there smiling as the bags of money lay at
her feet. After helping robbing the casino, she send a notice to the head tendering her resignation. The two women
laughed as they picked up the money and left, dreaming of fun and sun in Tahiti, unaware that a certain Master
Thief watched them smiling.
“Sonofabitch!” Fujiko growled as she and Denise were handcuffed and put into the police car. She looked and saw
Lupin, Jigen and Goemon in the crowd, Lupin waving goodbye. “You’re dead, Lupin! I’ll get you for this!”
“See ya later, my love!” Lupin crowed. He knew Fujiko was almost as adept at escaping arrest as he was. “Good
call in tipping the police, Jigen.”
“Lupin,” the older man intoned solemnly. “We’ve been friends for how long?”
“Like a thousand years. Why?”
“How many times has she pulled this shit?”
“More than I can count. But I know she loves me deep down.”
“Isn’t it time to cut your losses? She loves you because you’re an easy target.”
“Come on, Jigen. When the chips are down, you know she comes through.”
“Still. I’d dump her ass before she gets you killed.”
Fong Xi Lao. One of the most ruthless Dragon Heads in all Triadom and owner of the most extensive and
expensive collection of jade artifacts going back to the 7th century B.C. Its total value was equal the the GNP of a
small country, but no thief was foolish or brave enough to even consider stealing it. Almost no thief. Two shadows
stood outside the gate of Fong’s palatial estate having a quarrel.
“This is the fucking dumbest idea you ever cooked up,” Jigen growled. “I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.”
“What’s wrong?” Lupin replied in that perusual impish grin.
“Do you know who we’re robbing? If we’re caught, we’re dead.”
“But we won’t get caught, Jigen. I ran through numerous scenarios. All with one hundred percent success rates for
“You better pray Zenigata gets us before Fong. I’d rather face him.”
The two men scaled the wall and stealthed across the yard avoiding the guards and dogs. They stole around back
and began scaling the tree next to the home. Lupin noticed that Fujiko and Fong were engaged in a little
“nocturnal pool games”. She’ll keep him occupied. He and Jigen climbed in the window unaware a certain blonde
watched him, a mysterious smile on her lips. The two shadows stole through the roof’s framework to avoid the
cameras, guards and lasers. They came across the display room and knocked out the guards and were in and out
in a matter of minutes with the jade items. They managed to scale the wall and hightail it just as the alarm began
sounding throughout the neighborhood. Daisuke Jigen was not a religious man, but as the two thieves ate a steak
dinner in a hidden corner of a divey bar and grill, he was silently praying that they didn’t get discovered.
“I can’t believe we did that,” the gunman growled. “The next time you get such an idea, remind me to smack you.”
“Oh, come on,” Lupin grinned between mouthfuls. “That was a blast.”
“Blast. We nearly got blasted, bud.”
“You two have the biggest balls I ever seen,” Fujiko smiled as she walked up. “I can’t believe you actually pulled it
“Don’t look at me. Fucking Einstein here had the idea.”
Suddenly, Jigen sensed something and reached for his gun, but he found that it was in the hands of a Triad
pointing right at him. His eyes narrowed as he saw Fujiko with a part remorseful-part pitying smile. Bitch set us
up. Why does that idiot trust her? One Triad walked over and picked up the bag with the jade.
“Mr. Fong wishes to see you,” he said in impeccable English.
“Just let us finish our dinner, please,” Lupin replied with surprising calmness.
“I’m sorry. Lupin,” Fujiko smiled sadly. “I don’t want you hurt.”
“Bullshit!” Jigen growled. “If that’s the case, why didn’t you talk him out of it?”
A little later, Lupin and Jigen walked into the living room where Fong sat, smoking a cigar, regarding the thieves as
Fujiko disarmed them and walked over. She then gave the Dragon Head the guns and sat on the chair’s arm. Fong
turned to the guards who knelt in supplication, aware of their fate, and nonchalantly used Lupin’s Walther to drill a
bullet into each man’s brain. Lupin did not even flinch.
“I admire your audacity,” Fong intoned. “Few people would dare rob from me.”
“Well,” Lupin drawled, “I like a challenge and this was a challenge.”
“We are sorry, Mr. Fong,” Jigen tried the suck-up approach. “Please take the jade and let us go. We won’t bother
“You may go,” Fong nodded to Jigen. “We want to talk to Mr. Lupin a little more.”
“Remember our deal,” Fujiko warned softly.
“Don’t worry. You make pick whatever item you want.”
Jigen watched in disgust as the traitorous vixen pick one or two items and walked out whistling a tune. Even Lupin
started to get the feeling that Fong was not going to keep his word. Jigen was escorted out as Fong gave orders in
Cantonese to the remaining men.
“Farewell, Mr. Lupin,” he smiled. “Nothing personal.”
“I don’t know. I think we may see each other again.”
“I doubt it.” Fong nodded to the men.
Lupin had a bad feeling. The next day, Fong and Fujiko were enjoying lunch at an exclusive French resturant. The
Dragon Head’s cellphone rang and, excusing himself, began talking in Cantonese. After about ten minutes, Fong
finished his lunch and phone call and rose to pay the bill. Fujiko started to rise, but the Dragon Head raised his
“I have business to attend to,” he purred. “You enjoy your lunch.”
He chuckled mysteriously as he walked away. Fujiko looked out the window, the sun shining on her golden hair.
Suddenly, a car pulled up and four very large, muscular Triads got out and took somthing bundled up in a
dropcloth. They then threw in it right near Fujiko’s table and drove off. Fujiko unrolled it and screamed in horror at
the sight of a naked Lupin beaten, bloodied, whipped and very near comatose. THAT FUCKING BASTARD!!
Tears welled up and Fujiko began sobbing while cradling Lupin against her.
“CALLL A FUCKIN’ AMBULANCE!” she shrieked. “NOW!!”
“Lupin!” Fujiko looked up and saw Jigen staring at her, struggling not to pull out his Magnum and blow her brains
out. “YOU BITCH! ARE YOU HAPPY?!”
“Oh, Lupin! I am so SORRY! Fong said he wouldn’t hurt you. He PROMISED!”
“Get the hell away from him! You did enough damage. Leave!”
Sobbing, Fujiko got up just as the ambulance arrived and left, her blood chilled by the gunman’s icy gaze at her
back. A little later, Fujiko was kneeling at Lupin’s bed. The thief was heavily bandaged and attached to a machine.
The operation was successful and, miraculously, Lupin was not killed. One intern joked the thief was like the
German runner Luz Long. “He may not believe in God, but God believes in him.” Fujiko found herself saying
prayers, hoping her competitor/friend/lover would come through. She even vowed she would be more trustworthy.
“And you wonder why Goemon and I don’t trust you.” It was Jigen.
“No,” Fujiko smiled bitterly. “I know damn well why.”
“Why? The idiot loves you. He’d do anything, even die, for you. Why the hell do you put him through this shit?”
“You know, I sometimes ask that myself. He is so forgiving and trusting. It is way too easy to betray him.”
“And you don’t give a rat’s ass about him.”
“That’s not true. Believe it or not, I actually–love him.”
“Love? Then why the hell don’t you just say it? Why jerk him around?”
“I’m not good at expressing myself, Jigen. Besides, I like Lupin more as a friend.”
“What friend sets him up to be slaughtered? Is that what you want?”
“No, Jigen. I didn’t want it to happen this way. Fong promised he wouldn’t harm Lupin.”
Suddenly, Jigen rushed forward and ripped a viscious backhand across Fujiko’s face, knocking her to the floor.
The thiefess felt her cheek with a sad smile knowing she deserved it. Jigen watched her get off the floor.
“You’re fucking disgusting, you know that?” the ex-hitman growled. “It’s only Goemon and my friendship for Lupin
and the idiot’s love for you that is keeping Goemon from hacking you into sushi and me covering these walls with
“Where is Goemon?”
“He’s around. Just doesn’t want to see you, least ‘something regreattable’ happens.”
“Point taken.” Fujiko kissed Jigen on the cheek. “I really do love Lupin, Jigen. Even if I don’t say it. I have always
cared for him, but this is a business and I have to do what it takes for my interests. If that includes betrayal, then
so be it. But I do not deliberately try to set him up to be killed. Fong will pay for that.”
She gave Lupin a final kiss on the forehead and a quick prayer before leaving. Jigen looked and noticed the thief
watching her leave. The boyishly handsome simian face was a grim mask, almost as if he had been listening to
“Lupin!” the gunman exclaimed. “You heard that?”
“Every word,” the thief replied grimly. “I think I am starting to realize why you think she may be dangerous for me.”
“No shit, Dick Tracy. She probably told Fong you were going to steal the jade and cut a deal with him.”
“Most likely. I usually forgive her, but this is different. This is my life someone tried to take away.”
“So are you going to tell her off or should I?”
“I will. As soon as I leave.”
“And you won’t let her charms get to you.”
“Jigen, any love or other feelings I had for that broad went out the window while those Triad guys were fucking me
up good. Now I just want to tell her to get the hell out of my life.”
“It’s about time.”
Fujiko waited in Fong’s bedroom wearing only a long pink silk robe, her fingers wrapped around a glass of wine.
The guards lay outside cut to ribbons, courtesy of her Uzis. In fact, the entire destroyed home resembled a war
zone with heavy damage and corpses all over. She had been enraged and humiliated that Fong promised not to
hurt Lupin, but instead ordered his men to literally beat and whip the thief into an inch of his very life. Fong was on
a “business trip” when Fujiko attacked his home with a “requisitioned” Apache helicopter and decimated it and
pratically everyone inside, cutting those who survived to ribbons with her Uzis. Fong walked in with a look of
amused surprise on his face. His smile widened as Fujiko let the robe slip off, revealing her in all her splendor, and
walk over to caress him.
“Miss Mine,” he purred. “Was this you?”
“Guilty,” she smiled. “You know what a bitch PMS is.”
“They served their purpose. I take it we are revenged out?”
“It’s out of my system. All’s left is my love for you.”
Fujiko kissed Fong on the cheek and stroked his hair. The Dragon Head disrobed and carried her to the bed and
began ravishing her. The thief’s lips locked onto his as he was having his way when, suddenly, Fong felt a
constricting in his throat.
“Wha–” he gasped, coughing.
“A trick I learned from ‘Naked Killer’,” Fujiko smiled grimly. “The lipstick’s strychnine.”
“But–you–” Fong started convulsing and turning blue.
“I took an antidote. A trick I learned from Lupin. We had a deal, Fong. I tell you about the robbery and Lupin
doesn’t get hurt.”
After another torturous few minutes, Fong fell off the bed and died, his face twisted into almost a grimace. Fujiko
casually got into the black leather jumpsuit and boots she wore and walked out. But not before taking as many
souviners as possible. A little while later, Lupin, Jigen and Goemon were in his suite planning their next heist.
Lupin had made a complete recovery, except for a noticeable change. Whenever Fujiko’s name came up, instead
of the goofy, childlike expression of joy, his face became a grim mask with dead eyes. They were in the process
of the more technical aspects of the case when the door opened and Fujiko entered.
“Hi, all,” she smiled. “Am I missing anything?”
“Fujiko,” Lupin intoned cooly, his face an expressionless mask.
“I am so sorry,” she kissed him on the cheek. “I did not know Fong would try to kill you.”
“Didn’t you? You told him that Jigen and I would rob him and I imagine you cut a deal with him.”
“Yeah. I lead you to him and he promised that you would not get hurt.”
“Is making a jackass out of me not enough? Am I that much of a burden that you have to try and have me killed?”
Fujiko smiled bitterly, knowing she deserved it. It saddened her that instead of the usual childish grin, Lupin’s face
now showed no emotion, his eyes staring blankly right through her.
“No you aren’t, Lupin. Like I told Jigen, I love you.” An eyebrow arched icily. “I know it sounds hard to believe, but
I’m not very good at expressing myself. We’re a good team and I don’t want to lose that.”
“I put my ass on the line, Fujiko. I risk everything, even my life, for you and what thanks do I get? I’m either
drugged, knocked out or whatever. I forgive and forget but this is crossing the line.”
“I know you do and I’m grateful.”
“Bullshit. Is there a sign on my forehead that says ‘SUCKER’? You set Jigen and me up. You cut a deal with a
man who has no qualms about gutting a man and having his innards for breakfast. As far as I know, you told him
‘Kill the sonofabitch’.”
“Impossible. I killed him and his gang.”
“Impressive.” Acid dripped from the word. “I am starting to think Jigen is right. Maybe I should cut my losses.”
“Lupin! You don’t mean it!”
“I do. Everytime you’re involved, I wind up being made a total jackass.”
“But, at least I don’t try to kill you.”
“Until now. You want in, fine. But this is the last time. Afterward, we go our seperate ways. Got it?”
“Lupin.” Fujiko embraced him tightly, but was startled when he rather roughly released himself. Damn. He’s not
falling for my charms.
“You even think of pulling your bullshit,” the thief warned, his eyes dead slits, “Jigen and Goemon have my
permission to deal with you however they see fit.”
Fujiko blanched as the two men in question stared at her, Jigen smiling grimly as alomst itching to plant one
between the eyes. Fujiko nodded silently and listened to the plan, still startled and rather suprised at the change
in Lupin. Gone was the goofy, child-like behavior that was endearing, especially around her. Instead, the man in
Lupin’s skin was solemn, almost surly, and seemed to regard her as a barely tolerable annoyance. She was not
that surprised, though, as she figured that Lupin would eventually tire of being made a fool of all the time. Yet it
was sad to see such a good thing come to an end. The plan was set and the robbery went off without a hitch. The
money and jewels were divided three ways as Goemon wanted none of the take. Fujiko looked at the man who
was her sometimes partner/lover and she loosely played with gassing Lupin and leaving with his cut, but stopped
when she thought of Lupin’s warning. Jigen and Goemon have my permission to deal with you however the y see
fit. And those two did NOT like her in anyway and, at times, almost wanted her to give them a reason to make her
“So this is it,” she sighed.
“Later, Fujiko,” Lupin intoned flatly without even looking at her. “It’s been fun.”
“I never wanted to hurt you, Lupin. I love you.” she kissed him on the cheek, a tear running down her cheek.
As she turned to leave with her cut, Jigen blocked the door. His eyes narrowed into dark icy slits as he leaned
against the frame with arms folded.
“Keep in mind we’re enemies now,” the older hitman growled softly. “If necessary, I will have no compunction
about blowing your brains out.”
“I understand. Goodbye, Jigen.”
She left without saying goodbye to Goemon, who merely glared at her coldly while thumbing his blade. As the
door closed, the three men each took a glass of wine and clinked them in solemn celebration and drank before
getting down to planning the next job. A grim smile crossed Jigen’s face as he sipped.
“Good riddance, bitch,” he saluted the door.
“I am pleased,” the samurai intoned, “that you have finally come to your senses.”
“I have to agree. Fujiko was getting to be bad for my health.”
“It took you this long to figure it out?” Jigen scoffed.
“She never tried to have me killed before. I guess it was time to cut my losses.”
“She will probably contact Zenigata,” Goemon put in, “now that she is out.”
“No, she won’t.”
Lupin showed the other two men an onyx ring he had recently started wearing. They remembered that Fujiko also
had a similar ring as well.
“Remeber Pavlov?” the thief grinned.
“Yeah,” Jigen replied. “He did shock treatment with a dog that resulted in it associating food with pain.”
“Well, the rings were designed along that way. Whenever dear Fujiko thinks of betraying us or getting in our
“You shock her until she gets the idea that messing with us is a bad thing.”
“Of course, you didn’t think I would let her leave with the last word, did you?”
The three men smiled as, halfway across town, Fujiko Mine was in the middle of the police station seemingly
suffering form an uncontrollable seizure as she was about to spill the beans to Zenigata and the other police on
all Lupin’s activities, unaware that the onyx ring on her finger was the cause of her suffering.
Done. Hope we like it and it will be posted. I was wondering what other people thought and what they feel would
be a good punishment for Fujiko’s constant betrayal. Peace out and don’t be shy about letting me hear from you.